Me: "Basically, I'm looking for a theme that has a static front page and a blog behind it."
Caedmon: "That's nearly every template out there."
Me: "No, it is not!"
Caedmon: "Yes, is! Is core feature of WordPress."
Me: "They don't look the way I want them to look!"
Caedmon: "Ok, so you need one that does what they all do but does it in just the way you want."
Me: "Yes, exactly!"