It takes all kinds

I don't understand people who read a review of a romance novel and complain that the review contains spoilers. Hello, people? Are you telling me that you did not know the hero and heroine would end up together?!

Talk about being unclear of the concept!

Dads say the darndest things

I'm pretty sure no other father has ever told his daughter that partial starvation is preferable to overeating.

Yo, girl: man up, dudette!

I can't stand helpless women. Really! I feel like they're traitors to the entire female race. It makes me want to strangle them.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm not a hard-as-nails, dyed-in-the-wool feminist. I like it when guys offer to help me carry heavy stuff or open stubborn jam jars. It's only logical to get their help at such times, since they're biologically wired to be tonnes better at doing these things than I am. And I don't mind being driven around by a guy, although if he's a bad driver, I'd much rather take over the wheel. Same goes if he drives like an uncle: slow drivers are frustrating!

But I digress.

I've tried and tried to figure out why helpless women annoy me so much. It's not just because they give the rest of us a bad rep and reinforce stereotypes that we've been trying forever to shake off. No, I think it's got more to do with the fact that (in my view) they're discarding their God-given brains and abilities and taking the easy way out instead, leaning on others to think for them and act for them. Not only is it a form of manipulation, it's also such a waste. They're pretending to be helpless, and people who aren't real drive me crazy.

Modern love stories seem to abound with helpless women. I'm not quite sure what Mills & Boon is doing, but here is a typical plot:

Beautiful poor girl bumps into handsome billionaire or millionaire. He is either Italian, Spanish or Greek. Occasionally he is Russian but for some reason he is never French, American or Swedish (to name a few). Said millionaire is a known playboy and the poor girl is well aware that he is bad news: for one thing, she's out of his league, and for another, he will never commit to her. BUT SHE JUST CAN'T HELP HERSELF. Every time she comes within two feet of him, her brain turns to mush, her willpower evaporates and all she can think of is jumping his bones. The millionaire, on the other hand, is cynically used to girls falling all over him, but since he has the hots for her, he happily capitalises on her susceptibility. They end up in bed. She falls in love and agonises over it. Then she accidentally gets pregnant and dares not tell him because he might think she purposely tried to trap him into marriage. She runs away. He realises he can't live without her, and chases after her. Ta-da! They confess their love, and get married.

I've been reading M&B forever. They have been using this plot for what feels like the entire last decade, and it's getting old FAST. I know, I know, why don't I just stop reading, right? Romance is my personal guilty pleasure, for when I want something light and entertaining to read that won't tax my brain too much. But... urgh. I am so DONE with wimpy female lead characters who allow their hormones to lead them around by the nose. They are just as annoying as real-life helpless women!

Adventures of an Amazon ebook buyer

I finally managed to get the Kindle app to cooperate with me. From which I have discovered:

• I have some sort of obsessive personality (okay, I already knew this) that makes me want to download every single free ebook available.


• That is, not those copyright-expired free books like the ones you can get from Project Gutenberg, but those that are limited-time free offers before they go back up in price. (eReaderIQ is your friend -- it tracks prices of Kindle books and updates the free list hourly).


• Therefore, not only am I obsessive, I am also kiasu. Oh well... proof I am Malaysian? :p


• Even after culling those with bad reviews and ignoring the genres I don't generally read, I still have almost 1,000 books in my library. Eek!


• Which makes it annoying that I can't search my library by genre. Stanza has spoilt me.


• I can't even search for books by title keyword or 'recently read'! I forgot the title of the one I was reading and had to scroll through the entire list before finding it again. *grumbles*


• And then I can't properly delete a book from my library on the Kindle app. I can only "archive" books; to delete them, I've to go to Amazon's homepage and log into my account from there.


• I'm deleting books? *gasp* But you never give or throw away physical books, Sunflower! Well, I choose my physical books carefully, but I'm allowing myself to experiment with free ebooks. After all, never try, never know, right?


• Now you see how I ended up with 1,000 titles...


• Oh, most riveting title I've seen so far: Vanishing Penis Mysteries. *snicker*


• (I didn't buy it. Really, I didn't! It only had one star!)


• Yes, I rely heavily on reviews and a good synopsis to influence my purchasing decisions. I don't really care about the cover of the book.


• For people who are supposedly good with words, many authors are hopeless at providing a sypnosis or interesting product description. See this one, for instance:
  Short... Sharp... Surprising.  :0)
  Yes, very informative, thank you very much.


• On the other hand, there are the wonderfully complex synopses that make my head spin and cause me to think, "This book sounds WAY too complicated for me!"


• Then there are the ones with grammatical or spelling errors, which I always take to be a Very Bad Sign and a Portent of Things To Come.


• I have to say the best and most hilarious sypnosis I've read so far has been this one. If the synopsis is that funny, how much more amazing must be the book be?!?


• One thing I really don't understand, though: what's all the fixation with stating wordcounts in the product description? Are you writing essays for fifth grade or something?


• When the product description doesn't help, thank God for reviews: many longish positive reviews give a much more useful and detailed synopsis of the story than the authors themselves.


• And the one- or two-star reviews are usually illuminating. Any review that says "bad grammar" has me closing the browser page immediately. I already see enough bad grammar from students every day!


• Even with all the careful choosing, I have to say I've ended up with some doozies, and have discovered that there is a lot of crap in the Kindle store :(


• But at the end of it all, this is what I really want to know: Who the heck is Fiona?!? (After purchasing an ebook, this is the URL you get: https://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/fiona/thank-you?ie=UTF8&offerListingID=...)

Etymology

A lot of Christians like to believe that God helps those who help themselves, but that's not in the Bible, and definitely not even a biblical concept. The whole point of the Christian faith is that we were not able to help ourselves, which is why God had to make the first move. If we were able to help ourselves, we wouldn't need Him!

Anyway, today I was reading Charles Kingsley's collection (translation?) of Heroes, or Greek Fairy Tales for My Children (a free ebook from Project Gutenberg). And look what I found on page 139, when Pallas Athené, also known as Athena, the goddess of war, says to Perseus -- you know, that guy who killed Medusa:

"Perseus, you have played the man, and see, you have your reward. Know now that the Gods are just, and help him who helps himself."

Uh-huh. You read that right. The line is from a Greek MYTH.

Shinyyyy...

My phone's screen seems to have died once and for all yesterday evening. I say "seems to" because it has threatened to die before, but miraculously resurrected itself after the passing of minutes. But hours -- now, this is new. Looks like it's really dead. Is it really dead? *poke*

So now I am fiddling with the new phone and I had forgotten how much effort it takes to set up a new phone, to make sure all the settings are just exactly the way you want it. By which I mean, just exactly the way they were on the previous phone, of course. What did you think I meant?

And then I realise that, although somehow all the pictures on the memory card are still there, my ringtone isn't -- the MacGyver theme song that I've been using for the past three years. Three years?! My God, Sunflower! It's time for a change! Yes, yes, except I can't think of anything else. It needs to be something DRAMATIC! And DISTINCTIVE! And something that I can hear over and over again for three years without driving me crazy. Because, you know, I'm already crazy enough all by myself. I don't need help with that.

I can't even remember how I found the theme I was using on the previous phone. Which website did I use? Thank goodness for Google: I don't need the exact same website when there are 7,640,000 other options. I really pity the 7,640,000th one on that list because I bet nobody ever visits it, poor neglected thing. Really, what did it ever do to deserve to be ranked 7,640,000th on a Google search for "Nokia themes"? As for what to do when I've finally located a theme I can live with -- I have a vague recollection of having bought an el cheapo bluetooth dongle (probably cost like RM10 or something) and bluetoothed the theme & the MacGyver song over to the phone from my PC three years ago. But I wouldn't swear to it if you asked me. That kind of thing is not worth perjuring one's self for. I also wouldn't swear as to the location of that dongle now. Looks like another visit to Digital Mall is in order. (Mr TDH, are you listening? :p)

A relatively recent reality

In Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, she talks about a cultural change that began to take place at the beginning of the 20th century: the shift from a "Culture of Character" to a "Culture of Personality".

I'm fascinated by this because it shows that our society's obsession with image is a relatively recent thing. According to historian Warren Susman (whom Cain quotes in her book), image only began to achieve a status of great importance after the industrial revolution, when people moved away from their small towns and began converging in cities. Previously, they had lived among communities who had known them all their lives, but now they had to prove themselves to strangers, and that's when the ability to "sell yourself" became important.

In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honourable. What counted was not so much the impression one made in public as how one behaved in private... But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them... "The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer," Susman famously wrote. "Every American was to become a performing self." (p.21)

No wonder we talk about people wearing masks. The metaphor fits.

Susman's research revealed that self-help books of the 19th century emphasised virtues like duty, morals, manners, integrity, and good works, while by the early 20th century, authors were advising people how to be magnetic, fascinating, stunning, attractive, forceful, and energetic.

...by 1920, popular self-help guides had changed their focus from inner virtue to outer charm -- "to know what to say and how to say it," as one manual put it. "To create a personality is power," advised another. (p.22)

At the same time, Cain says, advertisements moved from "straightforward product announcements" to the kind of ads we see today -- the kind that prey on people's insecurities and promise to give you a better life, make you more successful, bring you more friends, get you the man or woman of your dreams, if you will only use that product.

As someone who chafes against society's ridiculous preoccupation with image, I'm comforted by the thought that we haven't always been like this; but we've gone so far in the other direction now that I don't know if we will ever go back. We are so wired to respond to those who fit The Image that studies have shown a person who speaks out often, speaks well and speaks confidently is usually considered more intelligent, more likeable and even better-looking than someone who is quieter or speaks more slowly! Cain talks about how people tend to look up to, trust and follow leaders who have more charisma, who are able to project the image we want to see. The problem is that these people might not be good leaders. They are simply able to make you BELIEVE that they are. (This is also why democracy isn't working all that well, by the way. Because people are inept at evaluating who would be the best candidate for office.)

I am going to go one step further and say that this might be one of the reasons why the divorce rate is rising in many countries. The preoccupation with image causes both genders to portray an image of themselves which may not be all they truly are. We "sell ourselves" to potential employers, and when it comes to relationships we also think we have to "sell ourselves" to a potential partner.

At work you usually don't apply for jobs you aren't capable of or don't have some aptitude for, so if the employer does decide to hire you, you're able to perform more or less as promised. On the other hand, when both partners "sell themselves" to each other, they each fall for an image which doesn't truly reflect the person inside. Some of it might be truth, some might be exaggeration, some might be omission, and some might be wishful thinking. Marriage is all about intimacy, but how can you become intimate with an illusion? Especially when your own mask prevents true connection with the person you really are?