Today has just been one of those days. I haven't had the energy to do anything. I woke up at two p.m. (there are definitely advantages to being single and living on your own) and then I just didn't want to get out of bed. I felt so tired I just laid in bed and read a book, then went back to sleep and when I next opened my eyes it was 9:30pm.
I don't have anything clever or witty to say. I'm afraid I might have depression because I've been struggling through unusual lows and sudden, random bouts of weeping the past two weeks. It isn't the unending dark tunnel that I experienced before, but it is alarming. There is a crushing loneliness that all the good friends and caring in the world cannot assuage. I don't know what to do with my feelings and am frustrated because it all makes no sense.
Some days are better than others. Some days I tell myself I'm just tired, or that maybe it's hormonal. Useful things to blame, hormones :) I'm hoping it's just a temporary phase and that things will get back to their normal even keel again, soon. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold everything together, do the stuff I need to do, and not do anything stupid or reckless which I might regret later!
3 comments:
Sunflower, I know this might not be of any help, but have you seen a doctor about this? Two weeks is a pretty long time to deal with such a down phase, unless you've had a major life loss recently. You haven't lost a family member or dear friend or beloved companion animal recently, have you? Lost a job or a position you loved? Been robbed or burgled? If there's nothing like that, or likewise huge, that has happened recently, I would seriously go see a doctor about this funk you're in, ESPECIALLY if you have suffered clinical depression in the past.
I know that no amount of loving friends is helping, but you should know you do have such friends, and they care. For their sakes, if not for your own, you should see a doctor.
Please reach out for help. Depression is a difficult enemy and rarely can be fought alone. To win the war you need an army.
Tammy - No, no major life changes or losses recently. For almost the whole of 2006 I was in a very bad place (suicidal and everything) but I didn't see the doctor then, either. It isn't common here in Malaysia to see a doctor for depression. I'm thinking about it but trying to ride it out and see how it goes. If it persists, I probably will do something about it.
Alvena - Charpoh, I didn't even know you were still reading!!
Patricia - It's just that I'm not sure I have depression, although I can see I have some of the symptoms. I feel a bit like an attention-grabbing drama queen if I were to make a big deal of it...
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