tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51786301548767204862024-03-20T17:11:22.758+08:00The Wilful SunflowerPlanted in the garden of the KingSunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.comBlogger284125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-12079565797947742572023-05-28T18:55:00.001+08:002023-05-28T18:55:35.358+08:00Things that intimidate me<div>1. Tying a knot with monofilament</div><div>2. Tying a knot with stretchy cord </div><div>(The above being the reason why I've never worked with either types of threading material) </div><div>3. Wire wrapping a cabochon (still can't even get my simple loops to look perfect!)</div><div>4. Bead embroidery</div><div>5. Knotting pearls </div><div><br></div>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-63096104358637621522019-08-23T10:34:00.001+08:002019-08-23T10:34:32.293+08:00Bead organisation -- ever evolving<p dir="ltr">About a year ago, <u>I</u> was in the middle of expanding my bead storage, by which I mean transferring from existing containers to larger ones, because my stash seems to have exploded when I was not looking. I did the blues (I store by colour) and then got stalled and haven't done the rest. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Then I discovered that I'm more into bead-weaving these days, and for bead-weaving, the size of beads are important. The most-used size is 4mm but 3mm, 5mm, and 6mm are also used occasionally... And for seed beads, the most-used size is 11/0 but 15/0s are also frequently used and occasionally 8/0s are needed. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I had already stored my seed beads separately, so that was not a problem, and I had also stored 4mm Chinese glass bicones and 4mm faceted round Chinese glass crystals separately. But now I also have 4mm pearls, 4mm unfaceted round glass beads, 4mm semi-precious stone beads... and what about the 6mm? Do I store them separately by size or put them in my original containers where my beads are sorted by colour? </p>
<p dir="ltr">The other beads probably would be used for stringing or other techniques. I had stored them by colour because I figured when I try to select beads for a design and match them up with each other, I match them by colour. But within a box of dark blues, all the various shapes and sizes of beads are bagged up in little ziplock baggies to keep the different types of beads separate. So that means, when I open the box, I cannot at one glance see all the options that are available. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I liked keeping the beads in baggies because then I could just grab the bag and did not need to leave a container open on my table, taking up space; and also, I didn't have to worry about possibly accidentally jolting it and knocking a bunch of different beads into a bead soup on the floor! </p>
<p dir="ltr">But recently, I was at a friend's place and we were making earrings together. She had all her beads spread out on the table and it helped so much for me to be able to see all the options available in order to match various shapes and sizes and finishes together to create simple earrings. Now I'm rethinking my bead organisation again!! Omg!!! </p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-13265267367621683592019-07-12T15:41:00.003+08:002019-07-12T15:41:48.660+08:00When you don't know anyone else who makes jewellery I'm excited but have no one to talk to. Ish. Because no one will understand when I say I just ordered a set of 42 colours of size 15/0 seed beads! Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-16928282980728294262019-01-03T14:57:00.000+08:002019-01-03T14:57:29.789+08:00Crafter's dilemma<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRG7kGcqiz7Fn5LEOQkSBeoeoyMYd5mRO2zluijrHw5ZWEbXu9MeCuby4x2DO7HVvh9sRVy6J0XehMzJfUe-jbH-Y8VIBWc2vwG3cgy71nAgcNd2EHR2Ufievknq5ULJabM04nIoFDMMQ/s1600/IMG_20181112_223600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRG7kGcqiz7Fn5LEOQkSBeoeoyMYd5mRO2zluijrHw5ZWEbXu9MeCuby4x2DO7HVvh9sRVy6J0XehMzJfUe-jbH-Y8VIBWc2vwG3cgy71nAgcNd2EHR2Ufievknq5ULJabM04nIoFDMMQ/s320/IMG_20181112_223600.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div><br />
<p dir="ltr">I think I have developed an obsession with silicone moulds. </p><p dir="ltr">At last count, I have 44 of them, and that's with some of them lumped together into sets because they were sold in sets. If I were to really count each individual mould, I have way more than 44! </p><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6bnwsPAIrCOlZB6naYFnIRzPiD2orUqLH13D4fJcYjUyGH4XV-tbUChM_9gbrYBKm5A6dQSC1oq9lJuw1F_gHziBznMs-M144srHlgM3F_-qNH12Aysme12hJmnmdYD21vUPJTuADN64/s1600/IMG_20181206_175420_HDR%257E2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6bnwsPAIrCOlZB6naYFnIRzPiD2orUqLH13D4fJcYjUyGH4XV-tbUChM_9gbrYBKm5A6dQSC1oq9lJuw1F_gHziBznMs-M144srHlgM3F_-qNH12Aysme12hJmnmdYD21vUPJTuADN64/s320/IMG_20181206_175420_HDR%257E2.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div><br />
<p dir="ltr">I think I'm fascinated with them because they can help me achieve resin forms which I couldn't otherwise. The latest ones which arrived in the mail (online shopping is dangerous!!!) were tiny ones to make roses 1mm in diameter, so that these roses can in turn be placed into my pendants. </p><p dir="ltr">I have to say that YouTube is very much to blame for all this. I'm watching the Japanese crafters -- despite not understanding a word they say -- and I'm so frustrated that they can find materials in Daiso Japan which Daiso Malaysia doesn't carry! I've taken to haunting every Daiso branch within my vicinity, and since most malls have a Daiso outlet and PJ is chock-full of malls, there are loads and loads of Daisos to haunt. It's so annoying  that some Daisos have items which others don't! Also, if Daiso were to accept credit cards, I'd probably spend much, much, MUCH more there. As it is, I feel like I'm single-handedly propping up Daiso's Malaysian empire 😂 </p><p dir="ltr">So, YouTube. It started with me accidentally coming across a video of a Japanse crafter using UV resin, so I started researching UV resin, which led to me researching UV lights and UV lamps... then I saw a video where a lady painted her resin pendant using nail art techniques and that made me start researching nail art and gel polish (which also cures under UV light)... And then I saw a video where a lady made resin pendants using acrylic skins as a background, so I started researching acrylic pouring... one thing keeps leading to another -- it's like going down a rabbit hole! </p><p dir="ltr">I've always had this problem where I'm intensely curious about everything and want to try everything. Even with jewellery-making, I'm interested in stringing, simple off-loom bead-weaving, wire wrapping, macrame, crochet bracelets, wrapped leather bracelets: basically, almost everything except kumihimo and loom beading. </p><p dir="ltr">I say it's a problem because it means I have to get supplies for literally everything. For wireworking I have a steel block, nylon hammer, nylon jaw pliers, bail-making pliers, wire jig, wires of different gauges and metals... for bead-weaving I have Fireline beading thread, beading needles, size 11/0 and 15/0 Miyuki seed beads, 4mm Swarovski crystals... for stringing I have beading wire, crimp beads, crimping pliers, crimp covers, wire protectors or wire guardians, calottes or bead tips or clamshells (depending on what you want to call them), and all kinds of shapes and sizes of beads made of porcelain, glass, acrylic, resin, metal, wood, semi-precious stones... for crochet of course I have crochet hooks and yarns... for leather work I have leather and suede cords and cord ends. Seriously, it's madness. Madness!!! Then I also have a lot of chain in various sizes and finishes, not just to make necklaces but also because chain can be decorative, and the usual headpins, eyepins, ear wires or earring hooks, and of course jumprings and clasps -- magnetic clasps, toggle clasps, lobster claw clasps... holy guacamole. </p><p dir="ltr">I could make my life considerably simpler if I could just narrow my focus to one technique and do only that, but I can't seem to decide on only one. There are some things I'm interested in, like making paper beads, which I haven't tried; and some things I'm not allowing myself to get anywhere near, like metal stamping and making my own polymer clay beads and charms, because I already have enough going on and I don't need to amass even more craft materials for a completely new craft! (says she as she arranges all her shiny new silicone moulds) </p>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-11582303139196642502018-12-28T10:19:00.001+08:002018-12-28T21:29:35.882+08:00Book review: A Knight in Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux (spoilers!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiapKuUnKdK_PkvQL2Eohe_bby2eWyQgR_Pg7H-0fMtWAh2j4-Mg8b-QicIc4K_m0c5ex0gdI9dA-2OS2oF024CeIzzc0xL4cx9X8G78qMjHLqbPwMihIG461VWeJouNX_7RoF-Togjpcg/s1600/download-11.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiapKuUnKdK_PkvQL2Eohe_bby2eWyQgR_Pg7H-0fMtWAh2j4-Mg8b-QicIc4K_m0c5ex0gdI9dA-2OS2oF024CeIzzc0xL4cx9X8G78qMjHLqbPwMihIG461VWeJouNX_7RoF-Togjpcg/s200/download-11.jpeg" width="130" height="200" data-original-width="181" data-original-height="278" /></a></div>The main problem with this book is not even the impossibility of time travel, the strange "bond" the hero and heroine seem to share (which has her experiencing a pain in her arm when <i>his</i> arm is cut), nor the concept that souls are reborn into different bodies and yet somehow still recognisable. No, the problem is with the heroine, whom no one could possibly identify with. <br />
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The idea of a misfit heroine would have been a great one -- which of us has not felt at some point in time that we don't really fit in? -- but the author exaggerated the heroine's differentness so greatly that instead of becoming a human being we could identify with, she became farcical. <br />
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Honey, what is wrong with you is that you are a dreamy idiot with little common sense. Robert treats you like sh*t yet you keep making excuses for him and insisting that you love him! And worse, plan a romantic holiday imagining that he is going to propose, <i>continuing</i> to believe that he's about to propose even though he does the extremely unromantic thing of telling you you're going to pay for half of the holiday, building castles in the air based on nothing more than a receipt from a jewellery store. "Oh, it must definitely be an engagement ring!" Oh my God, I rolled my eyes SO HARD. Everything she believed about her current relationship existed only in her head, and she couldn't see it. <br />
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In the afterword, Jude Deveraux said, "I wanted a heroine who was strong but believed herself to be weak, who was generous, the kind who'd help another human even if it caused her hardship, yet thought her generous spirit was a weakness." But Dougless (also I hate that name, I don't care how historically accurate it is) doesn't come across as strong at all. She comes across as a doormat and desperado. First of all, she's always the one making moves and throwing herself at Nicholas, and when she doesn't want to do something, all he has to do is kiss her fingers and she capitulates. Second, she cries and cries throughout the book. In fact, it's her tears which first draw Nicholas to her through time, because she's crying so hard that it disturbs his concentration and he decides to follow the sound of the weeping and ends up in her time! <br />
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I also found it difficult to stomach or understand Robert's behavior towards her, and then to have him do a 180-degree turn at the end? It was ridiculous. He behaved more like a child than his own child, Gloria. He was mean and calculative and unappreciative and his dumb explanation at the end didn't make any sense to me. So what if you were envious of her rich family? You knew when you met her that she doesn't have access to their millions, so what is this about "play at living on your teacher's salary"? It was dumb and petty and showed that he never really loved her, yet he has come back to propose? It made no sense. I felt that the author just wanted to tie everything up with a nice little bow and "redeem" Robert and Gloria because she'd made them so unlikeable in the beginning. Why does everyone have to end up being all sweetness and light? Just leave them as the spiteful and petty people they were, that's fine!<br />
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Three other things that made no sense: If Nicholas had insisted that he be buried with the piece of lace embroidered with Dougless' name, why wouldn't he have also insisted that he be buried with her miniature? How could his family not be aware of the significance of the lady in the miniature, and therefore keep it instead of allowing it to be sold, for it to turn up in an antique shop somewhere? Second, if all traces of the person's visit to that time vanished, how can one or two things remain? The miniature shouldn't even remain, as the painter ought to have no memory of even meeting Dougless or having her sit for him; likewise the lace ought not to have remained, for Honoria also wouldn't have remembered her, much less remembered her name. Third, James couldn't have inherited the Stafford estates because he was <i>illegitimate</i>!! <br />
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I had to read this book for a book discussion, but I hated the heroine so much that I did something I never do -- once I got an idea of what was going on, I would skip 500 locations (since I read it on Kindle, there are no page numbers), read a little to see what was going on and if I'd missed anything fundamental to the plot, then skip 500 locations again. I couldn't have gotten through it otherwise. It is supposed to be a classic tale, but I would give one out of five stars! It failed me as a romance because at no point during the story was I rooting for Nicholas and Dougless to have a happy ending together. <br />
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Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-32431684499670156932018-12-26T12:25:00.001+08:002018-12-26T12:29:34.200+08:00Finally beading again After a whole year of not beading at all, I received a commission from a friend, asking me to make a jewellery set for his mum for Christmas. He asked me to use red because it's his mum's favourite colour. I spent ages searching for patterns because I needed to find something which was within my skill set (not too complicated) but it could not look too simple. Here's what I ended up with: <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmwBMZqkQN-FRANHujqvyHOGGjAQz513_78mFjNm9wOjhvE9zerG6NBXgTbRb2Ue2F50ejKBx5Mx5Ejym5_RZFraDIFE0dngnsYewW_gyGiHLXb0uChJbXcz1N8XdNYVYPoXk7CuiZQ98/s1600/IMG_20181220_194122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmwBMZqkQN-FRANHujqvyHOGGjAQz513_78mFjNm9wOjhvE9zerG6NBXgTbRb2Ue2F50ejKBx5Mx5Ejym5_RZFraDIFE0dngnsYewW_gyGiHLXb0uChJbXcz1N8XdNYVYPoXk7CuiZQ98/s320/IMG_20181220_194122.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ap-sYrVWo_bdeqQh3CVYeBC8bESzzZva6kHhgcmEMVhn3pM3PGPN5PJGRtsP1d8rCULU96QUJbhP2_x70aoFwSEbz6pJf4ReqRBnmn-pDjQ4esBdub72Eo4JnUb-TV1KLQ6N3N7waL4/s1600/IMG_20181220_170905%257E2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ap-sYrVWo_bdeqQh3CVYeBC8bESzzZva6kHhgcmEMVhn3pM3PGPN5PJGRtsP1d8rCULU96QUJbhP2_x70aoFwSEbz6pJf4ReqRBnmn-pDjQ4esBdub72Eo4JnUb-TV1KLQ6N3N7waL4/s320/IMG_20181220_170905%257E2.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div><br />
I fell in love with Stephanie's design from Bronzepony Beaded Jewelry. This is the <a href="https://youtu.be/3GZNV1ax2_E">Victorian Chic Redux Icicles Necklace</a> on YouTube. It looked so elegant and stunning, and seemed fairly straightforward to do. The only thing was, I didn't want to use Swarovski bicones all the way around because they are expensive, so I looked around for an alternative. <br />
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I had seen someone else use what I privately call a "picot chain" (I have no idea what the actual name is) but I couldn't find a tutorial or pattern for it anywhere. Using <a href="https://youtu.be/oDZ11Rh9aP8">this Youtube tutorial by Sonysree Creations</a>, I made the first motif and then managed to figure out how to repeat it in order to get a neat, pretty chain: <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0u1U8jxERe5ybg7bVcH1QgzH3NOYqJo9R8iTKaS5F5AhIQV_yHSlvzOZSR6I8ZxG6Wy2dPP9Dx4ZSjw63lhHGsUJJkzw56YgIci9V0gQn7Z7umi_1pVu3PIJIP8yMKpe695R3btJk3Gk/s1600/IMG_20181226_113945.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0u1U8jxERe5ybg7bVcH1QgzH3NOYqJo9R8iTKaS5F5AhIQV_yHSlvzOZSR6I8ZxG6Wy2dPP9Dx4ZSjw63lhHGsUJJkzw56YgIci9V0gQn7Z7umi_1pVu3PIJIP8yMKpe695R3btJk3Gk/s320/IMG_20181226_113945.jpg" width="320" height="94" data-original-width="1537" data-original-height="452" /></a></div><br />
In her video, Stephanie had used drops of the same colour and size for both the lower and higher hanging dangles, but in her earlier video of the <a href="https://youtu.be/5y8vb4c0tfY">Crazy for Pearls Necklace</a>, which uses the same pattern, she had alternated pearl drops and crystal drops, which I thought looked more visually interesting and would prevent the necklace from looking overwhelmingly red. My next problem was getting hold of light siam 4mm bicones and drops. I decided to make the red an accent colour instead of the main colour, and to use 6mm bicones instead of drops. I found the 6mms in Glister in PJ New Town, but they did not have the corresponding 4mm ones, and in fact told me that they are discontinuing Swarovski and will no longer be bringing in new stock. The colour was sold out on Monsterkraft.com too. Fortunately, the lady at Glister was very kind and helpful, pointing me to I-Decor in Petaling Street (Jalan Sultan, to be exact) but their Swarovski section is only open on weekdays! They have loads of colours, it's like Swarovski heaven. <br />
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I bought the hematite 4mm unfaceted rounds from Beading DIY also in Petaling Street, the Miyuki 11/0 (metallic RR 451) from Glister, and -- again -- could not find corresponding Miyuki 15/0s so had to settle for 15/0 Chinese seed beads in gunmetal, from Monsterkraft. They actually look more silverish than gunmetalish to me, but they didn't look too out of place in my design colour scheme, thank goodness. <br />
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Because I decided to use opaque solid black 3mm bicones and drops alongside the light siam Swarovski, I decided it was okay not to use Swarovski for the black since being opaque, it was not likely to be all that sparkly anyway. I used Chinese glass crystal 12 x 8mm drops which I already had on hand, and Preciosa Czech 3mm bicones in jet which I got from Monsterkraft (still cheaper than Swarovski!!). <br />
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After making the necklace, I hunted high and low for a bracelet and earring design which could go with it, because to my knowledge Stephanie hasn't made any complementing pieces to fit with the necklace as a set. I saw <a href="http://craftyinspirationbylinda.blogspot.com/2014/06/bracelet-of-day-craving-crystal-green.html">a post by Linda Genaw on her blog Linda's Crafty Inspirations</a> and decided that I could make that pattern work. <br />
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The bracelet and earrings pattern is called "Craving Crystal" by Deborah Roberti, and I followed the link in Linda's blog post to purchase the pattern from <a href="http://www.aroundthebeadingtable.com/Patterns/Craving.html">Deborah's website</a>. But, to make the bracelet match the necklace more obviously and tie them together somehow, I added the necklace chain's picot motif in between each of Deborah's components, so that at least there was some motif which was common to each piece. I did the same with the earrings, adding the picot motif on top, instead of using a 6mm bead as Deborah's original pattern calls for; and instead of using the 6mm bead at the bottom, I used the same black drop I had put in the necklace, so that both the earrings would match the necklace. <br />
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In the earrings and bracelet, each motif has a 4mm round bead in the centre. At first I used the same 4mm round hematite beads which I had used in the necklace, too, but then there was no strong contrast between the 11/0 Miyukis and the hematite because both looked metallic grey, and in the earrings, the black drop sort of seemed to come from nowhere (since the main pattern had no black to echo it). So I switched out the 4mm hematite beads for round faceted Chinese glass crystals which I already had on hand, and it worked much better to tie everything together and make all the pieces look like a real set. <br />
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I'm really pleased with how the set turned out, and my friend said his mother loves it, which makes me doubly happy! Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-2048683478926068332018-12-06T19:08:00.002+08:002018-12-06T19:20:19.730+08:00Experiment #12: Mirrored chameleon chrome powderI was curious as to the effect that chrome / chameleon nail powder might have on the resin. This was <i>before</i> I saw <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMBDm3bjZ6E">Masherisha's video</a>. At the time of watching her video, I'd already purchased some powders from a Shopee seller. I admit that I didn't know exactly what I was doing. I've only ever had basic pedicures done, so I had no idea about all these powders and it turns out there are several types(?). Cos I saw on YouTube nail art videos (I can't believe I'm watching NAIL ART VIDEOS!) that there are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zLEi5U-tmk">chameleon sequin paillette flakes</a> which look white but turn your nail colour (usually a black base) to different shades, depending on which powder you use, and then I saw <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko1v5DFBD1s">"chameleon nail powder pigment chrome glitter"</a> which is actually coloured, and when rubbed onto nails (again a black base) turns the nail chrome and holo, i.e. highly shiny and reflecting several different colours, depending on which way your turn your fingers and view the nails under the light. I saw the Youtuber pat on the paillette flakes so that coverage on the nail was uneven and the black base showed through the glitter, giving the nail a sort of dappled effect as if bits of coloured foil had been applied onto the nail. That looked nicer than a full coverage, which still looked dappled and uneven but with less black showing through. <br />
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Anyway. <br />
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I thought I had bought a bunch of chrome powders, because the name of the product was "nail art gorgeous chameleon mirror powder manicure chrome pigment glitters". But when I opened one of the pots to try -- I chose green because green is my LEAST favourite colour, so it is perfect for experimentation; tak sayang nak guna! -- it turned out to be FLAKES:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBH5NYUnjejFwksk0V0UqcrZldY4sP5Dp82EECzEVzSZ7xPfJ8yucgtSwtCQySPGXd5UzUD6P0LUcgJy4kQTnBVtUNTl8QP8ca_mnQwmCD2HB5NzbZ0NXYWPivoTnFQOqTDKk7x3NCQIM/s1600/chrome+flakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="682" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBH5NYUnjejFwksk0V0UqcrZldY4sP5Dp82EECzEVzSZ7xPfJ8yucgtSwtCQySPGXd5UzUD6P0LUcgJy4kQTnBVtUNTl8QP8ca_mnQwmCD2HB5NzbZ0NXYWPivoTnFQOqTDKk7x3NCQIM/s320/chrome+flakes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
And because it was FLAKES, it was <b>HELLA MESSY</b>. I didn't expect it to be messy. The so-called "powder" came with an applicator (looks like an eyeshadow applicator), and I thought it would be simple to dab it on the nail. But every time I dipped my applicator into the pot, the flakes would shift about and fly out due to the movement disturbing them, and glitter got absolutely EVERYWHERE. Fortunately, I had seen <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThORNgzhyVw">this tip</a> from Crafterzdelights about using cellophane tape to remove glitter from silicone moulds, and it worked like a charm! I got the glitter off my table, my self, my silicone mould, and everything else that it managed to get on. <br />
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I wanted to know if the so-called "powder" would give a different effect on a different colour base, so I first poured a clear layer of resin into the moulds, and cured. <br />
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Then I rubbed the so-called chrome "powder" onto the hard surface of the cured (clear) resin. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4sfbwfRr5Ve0LMFl3ODcGM98TMRljS5BCbYipGUu6cwtatGvwgigh-rZgNiwQRdCXo88uaHTXxlVuhFKAVBEuohetXtwkmKUxrdibJPlRRC5IAJd5Q_mVecbbI1hxQnEB2OIY9nlEgc/s1600/the+chromed+mould.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4sfbwfRr5Ve0LMFl3ODcGM98TMRljS5BCbYipGUu6cwtatGvwgigh-rZgNiwQRdCXo88uaHTXxlVuhFKAVBEuohetXtwkmKUxrdibJPlRRC5IAJd5Q_mVecbbI1hxQnEB2OIY9nlEgc/s320/the+chromed+mould.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="600" data-original-height="800" /></a></div><br />
I figured I'm just doing it backwards from how nail techs do it on nails. They put the colour on first, then the chrome powder, then seal the powder with a glossy top coat. I'm putting the clear coat first, then the chrome powder, the the colour.<br />
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To colour the resin, I gently shaved off some flakes from Daiso's soft pastels. I chose black cos chrome powder is always used with back; white, because I wanted to see what it would look like on a light base; red and blue, just to have variety; and there was supposed to be yellow but the yellow accidentally got a little mixed up with the blue, and turned green instead lol. I then poured the colours into the respective moulds. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAHKjIWa8GBUnhwsl_ZhMvv28JfpwoYZ3oKXwbOvHHwcNz7sXk8Ex3cHYvrZh5-3n_GhxumsbKnFSoXAaGDbG_RqJ-HwSWVNu0qIEwZgxNmftfUmIm7SmvAL1Gn3JYDCMEX3rWToWDjU/s1600/The+mould+with+coloured+resin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAHKjIWa8GBUnhwsl_ZhMvv28JfpwoYZ3oKXwbOvHHwcNz7sXk8Ex3cHYvrZh5-3n_GhxumsbKnFSoXAaGDbG_RqJ-HwSWVNu0qIEwZgxNmftfUmIm7SmvAL1Gn3JYDCMEX3rWToWDjU/s320/The+mould+with+coloured+resin.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
I cured this for 5 minutes under my UV CFL 36W lamp, cos I was afraid the pigments might interfere with the curing process as they sometimes make it difficult for the UV light to penetrate and activate the photoinitiators which cause the resin to harden. Then I popped the resin out to see what it looked like. Here are the results:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNN7EyNLeqPHaybvuNk7pN8pumQ5aUkCLHeZ_9eb7CC11YA3jvx9-BW9A2-OELU9QVLdWBlneXcnzZbStqLdZCFYouNphQ94wyLkrakK59nMN2WniAKZ5VdIN3ZOnb9xcPijhXBmxWC-o/s1600/chrome+experiment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNN7EyNLeqPHaybvuNk7pN8pumQ5aUkCLHeZ_9eb7CC11YA3jvx9-BW9A2-OELU9QVLdWBlneXcnzZbStqLdZCFYouNphQ94wyLkrakK59nMN2WniAKZ5VdIN3ZOnb9xcPijhXBmxWC-o/s320/chrome+experiment.jpg" width="320" height="204" data-original-width="627" data-original-height="400" /></a></div><br />
I think I can see some subtle differences, especially with the red-base one, but overall nothing major. I'm now wondering if it would be different if I were to actually rub the colour onto the base colour instead of onto the clear layer. But that means I can't use a mould; I'd have to use a bezel and work from the bottom up, like I would if I were applying the chrome powder to an actual nail. And I kinda don't want to "waste" any of my bezels on a mere experiment. Hmmmm.Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-74277585373724940792018-12-03T19:21:00.000+08:002018-12-06T19:41:48.105+08:00Experiment 11: Nail polish coloursMy UV lamp arrived! Finally! It is a 36W CFL lamp, with four U-shaped 9W tubes. I finally decided to get CFL because I think it provides better (more thorough) light coverage than most of the LED lamps I've seen. Also, the LED lamps tend to be a dome shape, which works for nails, but is not so ideal for silicone moulds (which are mostly rectangular or squarish). <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIDfcvhZ_1nAepcoPxfmVq3ZgDk8H2AKeK5Al1tBAtAIX5zSbRauLqxaV7HzGXtaXXbVnA8aKqX-95-vUw1ELdohoPOKQQRxRFYL1fhQRQUflyENlNKz0UGosgxUS6iIeriEIHxKKG0LE/s1600/uv+lamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIDfcvhZ_1nAepcoPxfmVq3ZgDk8H2AKeK5Al1tBAtAIX5zSbRauLqxaV7HzGXtaXXbVnA8aKqX-95-vUw1ELdohoPOKQQRxRFYL1fhQRQUflyENlNKz0UGosgxUS6iIeriEIHxKKG0LE/s320/uv+lamp.jpg" width="320" height="288" data-original-width="666" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><br />
So I had to test my UV lamp to make sure it was working. I got it on Shopee, and the way Shopee works is that they don't release payment to the seller until your items arrive and you have inspected them and deemed them to be in good condition. If they're defective, or if some of the items were not sent out together with the rest of the order (this has happened to me THREE TIMES now!!!), you can file for a refund. <br />
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I'd bought some nail polishes earlier from Sasa. At three bottles for RM10, they were pretty cheap and perfect for an experiment, as I didn't need a whole huge bottle. Plus, they are so cute!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig9-U0aDZQ9J5qtIB6k7SiqfhDq_c2JYwZ8_D-gXpPaojMj-Rlimkc3w42DXbDLXgMNTaE-AQ7EI4on9Jk35uS1fu2COEDQGxhxTG7BrfdEK-tjDL2gfR5toB6iEgp3XZl_jrQRSs0NVw/s1600/Nail+polishes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig9-U0aDZQ9J5qtIB6k7SiqfhDq_c2JYwZ8_D-gXpPaojMj-Rlimkc3w42DXbDLXgMNTaE-AQ7EI4on9Jk35uS1fu2COEDQGxhxTG7BrfdEK-tjDL2gfR5toB6iEgp3XZl_jrQRSs0NVw/s320/Nail+polishes.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="600" data-original-height="450" /></a></div><br />
So I cured a clear layer of resin in one of my silicone moulds. It took just two minutes! Ah, bliss! And then I applied nail polish over the top of the hardened resin. Since it was an experiment, I just randomly dabbed the colours on any old how, without caring about how it looked. I did have to go over and put at least three coats to get the colours more opaque, because nail polish tends to spread pretty thin (we also usually apply at least two coats on the nail). Then I poured another clear layer of resin over it, and cured for three minutes. <br />
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OHMYGOD IT TURNED OUT SO PRETTY!!!!!!!! <3
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXl6GLc_xcOAA70b5IRNk6sD71q2rDeRM_JubNrAsxfQiaLiwSHvuezBugUYgf9Kw1jFol0khsmXtgqXVxnuFnvxeBWxF4I4kLWToY6yYnzfWSwWzxF3EeFtqR1-vB2vDOiP479KyoB7o/s1600/Nail+polish+resin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXl6GLc_xcOAA70b5IRNk6sD71q2rDeRM_JubNrAsxfQiaLiwSHvuezBugUYgf9Kw1jFol0khsmXtgqXVxnuFnvxeBWxF4I4kLWToY6yYnzfWSwWzxF3EeFtqR1-vB2vDOiP479KyoB7o/s320/Nail+polish+resin.jpg" width="270" height="320" data-original-width="510" data-original-height="604" /></a></div><br />
The shimmer of the nail polish really made the piece 'pop', and the rich colours came out beautifully against the clear layer of resin. The resin cured without any problems and even somehow managed to clean out my mould of the nail polish that I had accidentally 'kena' the sides with when I was painting the surface of the piece. I don't know how that happened, but I'm not complaining! <br />
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<b>NOTE: </b>I would not mix nail polish into the resin. I'm afraid that the resin might not cure when the chemical properties of both items come into contact with each other. Also, pigment is known to block the UV light from penetrating the resin and that would prevent the resin from hardening. Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-35004170924317684022018-11-18T20:24:00.001+08:002018-11-18T20:26:01.533+08:00Uv resin: Experiment #1<p dir="ltr">I don't have a UV lamp (yet), so I cured the old-fashioned way: in sunlight. </p><p dir="ltr">Steps: </p><p dir="ltr"><ol><li>I brushed the inside of the mould with a thin layer of silver glitter. (I used my finger, I put on disposable surgical gloves lol)<br \> </li>
<li>I mixed UV resin with blue poster colour and a bit of blue glitter dust and poured one layer in. Left to cure. <br \> </li>
<li>I mixed UV resin with a lot of pink glitter dust and poured one layer. Added six 11/0 seed beads (each bead is about 2mm in diameter) arranged in the shape of a flower, a turqoise flower sequin, and four randomly placed petals of a blue flower sequin. Left to cure. <br \> </li>
<li>I mixed UV resin with a little (just a very little, I didn't want it to be overwhelming) purple glitter "hairs" (short stripes?) and poured one layer. I was impatient and lazy, so I poured more resin in an attempt to dome the project and as a result, the resin overflowed the mould, although I tried to wipe off some excess. Gave up on wiping and left to cure. </li>
</ol></p><p dir="ltr">Result: </p><p dir="ltr"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigOUt30qA7cia_KolBkmMnkNA4KC-zHw6kX-tavPSdiuRHS52hRiSPOEt8WK0dsJyGyqFxNlFeE_vCsen9QxvWtSDJVOjfWqEJWNya06FZiajZBljW8hRZ9uLyYD6oa-7bBLzFcHOLGA/s1600/IMG_20181118_165647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigOUt30qA7cia_KolBkmMnkNA4KC-zHw6kX-tavPSdiuRHS52hRiSPOEt8WK0dsJyGyqFxNlFeE_vCsen9QxvWtSDJVOjfWqEJWNya06FZiajZBljW8hRZ9uLyYD6oa-7bBLzFcHOLGA/s320/IMG_20181118_165647.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div>The edges are jagged, but I knew that was going to happen due to the overflow of the resin earlier. I also know (have seen in YouTube tutorials) that I can file or sand those edges off. </p><p dir="ltr"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN-6zhe0ontdhI7Wba2rfrTOvufQTNHfML1f4czrUpmQxuNxzMyaTB2kTiyScMGCBJsDZB7A5o5CUxIaiuyqpx1lX3Ecc49Tfq3rYwvLlj76AzLsPz4VOplwe5uBAHo2p96-x5BULMfu4/s1600/IMG_20181118_165144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN-6zhe0ontdhI7Wba2rfrTOvufQTNHfML1f4czrUpmQxuNxzMyaTB2kTiyScMGCBJsDZB7A5o5CUxIaiuyqpx1lX3Ecc49Tfq3rYwvLlj76AzLsPz4VOplwe5uBAHo2p96-x5BULMfu4/s320/IMG_20181118_165144.jpg" width="320" height="221" data-original-width="1600" data-original-height="1107" /></a></div>The surface of the piece is not smooth. I don't know why. There is a "bump" in the resin on one side. </p><p dir="ltr"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuVTzO6LheEpmuHRgXISkHbQ8jkRhVwoj18Yskxi0t9lDjq7K9Y8VPFQExxiRtR173wWJ9xEfYuaJVAwWJRk03ne2ruO9AI9fYay4E46p4d8lwwRC0PJeQRx4IEghhFStdcadLD3BG-yU/s1600/IMG_20181118_165421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuVTzO6LheEpmuHRgXISkHbQ8jkRhVwoj18Yskxi0t9lDjq7K9Y8VPFQExxiRtR173wWJ9xEfYuaJVAwWJRk03ne2ruO9AI9fYay4E46p4d8lwwRC0PJeQRx4IEghhFStdcadLD3BG-yU/s320/IMG_20181118_165421.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div>The very first layer, the blue, didn't cure properly and left a patch stuck in the mould :( The patch was hard, so it's not that it didn't cure (as in didn't dry), but that it didn't bond. I think there was too much pigment (I've read that pigment can affect curing as it blocks the UV rays from reaching the photoinitiators in the resin to activate the curing process) and indeed, even while mixing I felt that I had put too much colour, although I only added a small drop! The colour was very dense. </p><p dir="ltr">I like the 3D effect given by layering the resin over the embellishments. It feels like the items are suspended in water, that's the best way to describe it. </p><p dir="ltr">The blue cannot be seen much through the pink glitter layer, but looking at the piece closely, I think it does have the effect of providing a base colour for the glitter. </p><p dir="ltr">Take-aways: </p><p dir="ltr"><ul><li>Add less pigment to the resin, just a teeny-tiny bit will do.<br \> </li>
<li>Add the pigmented layer last when using a mould, not first! (Because the back of the piece is actually the last layer, the one facing you; the front is on the inside of the mould) You want the colour to be a sort of background for the whole thing, not to appear on the front and obscure everything. I think the first layer can be totally clear or just have a little glitter in it to add shimmer / shine. <br \> </li>
<li>Plan layers more carefully (what to add in which layer, so that it will give the desired effect)<br \> </li>
<li>Be careful about the amount of resin being poured. Don't over-pour. If want to dome the top (i.e. the back of the piece), do it in one last step after the layer which creates a flat surface has cured. <br \> </li>
</ul></p>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-23664656176128883782018-11-11T19:24:00.001+08:002018-11-21T20:21:25.615+08:00UV Resin<p dir="ltr">I have a new obsession and need to write things down so that I don't forget! </p><p dir="ltr">I've just discovered UV resin by watching a YouTube tutorial, and it has gotten me excited! It cures under UV light within 15-20 minutes maximum, and doesn't need mixing unlike epoxy resin. </p><p dir="ltr">Epoxy resin always felt intimidating to me cos you have to mix the ingredients together and get them exactly right, or it might not cure properly, and of course took forever to cure. Because UV resin cures so fast, you can apply layers to your piece and build up interesting 3D effects. I love the concept! And being Miss Impatient, I also love that it cures fast! </p><p dir="ltr">So. There are 3 main ways (that I've seen) of making pendants with UV resin: </p><p dir="ltr"><ol><li>Use a silicone mould and pour the resin in, cure it under UV light, pop the pendant out of the mould, and attach it to a bail or drill a small hole in it to attach a jump ring;<br \> </li>
<li>Use a cabochon-type bezel and pour the resin in, then cure it under UV light;<br \> </li>
<li><a href="https://youtu.be/LHdIP0BZj1U">Use an open-backed bezel</a> or connector/link finding (anything that has a hollow space in the middle), paste refrigerator/painter's tape on the back to "seal" the back (any tape which doesn't leave sticky residue would work), then turn the piece over, pour in the resin, cure the whole thing under UV light; when done, peel off the backing, apply one more thin layer of resin on the back, and cure again.</li>
</ol></p><p dir="ltr">This means I've ordered several silicone moulds and various types of bezels and bails. Uh-huh. And a pin vise drill, or mini hand drill, and refrigerator tape. Uh-huh. </p><p dir="ltr">Aaaaand you can use nail art embellishments for your pendant, cos those embellishments are tiny and you can place them wherever you want in the pendant, to jazz up your design. So I've been looking at loads and loads of nail art stuff. There are rhinestones and glitter and powder (glitter powder and holographic powder, to name just two) and sequins and stickers and stencil stampers! Holy smokes. See <a href="https://youtu.be/ZQL2CBEgL1k">this fantastic tutorial using stencil & stamping</a>! There are even "caviar beads" (super tiny beads) and foil flakes and dried flowers and flatback half pearls. </p><p dir="ltr">A note on glitter powder: it's different from glitter cos glitter is coarser, usually around 1mm in diameter, whereas glitter powder is fine, like dust. I <i>think</i> glitter powder, when mixed in the resin, will give a shimmery effect, while the glitter itself will be more blingy because there are larger pieces reflecting light. There are also different ways of applying the powder. I've seen a video where the powder was dusted into the silicone mould, then the resin was poured in -- which means the glitter would end up being on the top surface of the piece; but on an open-backed bezel I've seen it being dusted on one of the layers, usually a background layer before applying any other stickers, painting, or other embellishment; and of course you can thoroughly mix it with your resin solution before pouring the solution into the bezel or mould. I plan to experiment with all three ways and see what difference it makes to how my piece turns out.<br />
</p><p dir="ltr">Now, to colour the UV resin, there are pigments specially made for that, but I read that eyeshadow or chalk work too; just squeeze a bit of resin onto a surface which acts as a palette (I heard that <a href="https://youtu.be/OPpZpY6Pt0A">a polypropylene plastic sheet works well</a> because resin does not adhere to it; you can also use wax paper or baking paper), scrape some of the colour off your eyeshadow or chalk, and mix it in. So now I'm looking for cheap eyeshadow palettes. I think it's probably cheaper than buying the resin pigments. Why colour the resin? Well, apart from giving your pendant a specific colour, sometimes to layer different colours, or have your pendant's background coloured differently in different sections. <a href="https://youtu.be/WpYuvxMxOuE">See this tutorial</a>! <b>UPDATE:</b> A YouTuber answered a question I asked in a comment, and said that she uses soft pastels to colour her resin. She just scraped off a bit of the pastel and mixed it up in the resin.</p><p dir="ltr"><b>UPDATE 2:</b> You can use these to colour UV resin:<br />
<ol><li>Eyeshadow</li>
<li>Soft pastels (also known as chalk pastels)</li>
<li>Acrylic paint: It creates an opaque effect (the item won't be see-through) and also <a href="https://www.artresin.com/blogs/artresin/what-can-you-use-to-color-clear-resin">makes the surface of the item become matte</a> (usually cured resin is a little glossy, but the acrylic paint counters that glossy finish). Plus, it also <a href="https://www.dreamalittlebigger.com/post/dye-resin-experiment.html">may make the item look a little grainy</a></li>
</ol></p><p dir="ltr"><b>UPDATE 3:</b> I have had success using poster colours to colour the resin. Just put a teeny tiny dot. A little goes a long way!</p><p dir="ltr">Alcohol ink and food dye / food colouring won't work, according to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFQqrKKpYM0">this video</a>. The lady stated that they may work for epoxy resin, but will prevent UV resin from curing. And here is <a href="https://www.little-windows.com/blogs/project-center/44280769-ways-to-color-resin">a very informative blog post</a>!</p><p dir="ltr">You can draw on the UV resin too, like doing nail art: <a href="https://youtu.be/b-6CMZNsC2U">See this gorgeous peacock pendant tutorial</a>. What I've read is that this UV resin is very similar to gel nails which are also cured under UV light (and you can use the gel manicure lamps to cure your UV resin pendants). So I was reading about gel nails and nail art, a subject I know NOTHING about, and I discovered you cannot draw on gel nails with regular nail polish cos according to one report, <a href="https://www.salongeek.com/threads/nail-art-uv-gel.157583/">the polish will crack when the gel top coat is applied over it</a> and cured. You can use gel polish or acrylic paint, or "nail art pens", but nowadays there is also <a href="https://www.nailpro.com/how-to-use-gel-paint/">gel paint</a>. Gel paint can of course be cured immediately after application, but if you use acrylic paint (as in the paint you'd get from any art & craft store) you need to wait for it to dry before applying a gel top coat and curing that. But gel paint is thicker than gel polish (the whole point of creating a paint is so that the nail artists wouldn't have to go over their artwork again and again, applying many layers in order to achieve the necessary opacity to get the design to stand out; polish tends to be less opaque, hence we usually apply a minimum of two coats of polish, even with regular polish) so -- where was I? -- oh yes, so with gel paint you need to take up and apply only a little at a time with your brush, to avoid possible goopiness. </p><p dir="ltr">And you'd definitely need a set of nail art brushes as long as you're not using those specialty nail art pens, plus brush cleaner to clean them (I read that we shouldn't clean them with acetone -- the solution used to remove gel nails -- because that would damage the brush). So: that means buying gel polish / gel paint, a set of nail art brushes, and brush cleaner... I still need to discover how to clean off the resin from the polypropylene sheet used as a palette. </p><p dir="ltr">I also read that <a href="https://mrkate.com/2012/03/26/diy-gel-manicure-and-nail-art-supplies-list/">LED UV lamps cure gel nails more quickly</a> than regular UV lights, and of course they tend to use less wattage and are much longer-lasting than regular bulbs or tubes. So I'm looking for an LED curing station which is powered by plugging it into a wall socket, and not via USB charging. Cos if there's an internal battery and you keep charging it, eventually one day it will retain less and less charge (power?) and then it will die, and I don't like that idea. It also needs to be large enough that the silicone moulds will be able to fit into it. </p><p dir="ltr">Okay I think that covers it all for now! I might have forgotten something, in which case I'll come back and edit this post when I recall whatever it is I've missed. This is mainly intended as a resource for myself. <br />
</p><p dir="ltr">EDIT: Last night I watched a tutorial by a Japanese lady <a href="https://youtu.be/USkQJjKG-sk">who used origami paper (or patterned paper) as a pendant background</a>. She glued double-sided scotch tape onto the paper prior to inserting it onto the first layer of resin in the silicone mould, because she said when she tried putting in the paper by itself, "it got darkened when the resin got stained" (that is a Google translation of what she wrote in Japanese! lol). I think a 4mm-wide clear cellophane tape (packing tape?) would do -- I have that around the house -- but I also think a layer of Mod Podge, varnish or any kind of paper sealant would work. Another thing to try out once my supplies arrive.</p><p dir="ltr">EDIT 2: I watched a video where <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaJHuxuxewM">the lady used holographic nail art transfer foil</a> to decorate the surface of the finished piece. She brushed on the UV resin, spread the foil over it, and cured. After curing, she peeled off the foil. I had been wondering if there was a way to use the foil and now I'm all WOW! Also, if you apply resin onto the surface of the piece with a brush (like for finishing, the final cure), <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SDPU1u3ej0">another YouTuber said</a>, "I always wipe the used brush with wet tissue paper containing alcohol. Although it gets a little sticky, it can be used without problems."</p>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-25252406417368942342017-09-26T00:48:00.002+08:002017-09-26T00:54:32.419+08:00Thoughts on minimalismI've been watching some YouTube videos about minimalism lately. I was never attracted to minimalism because I always saw it as an extreme thing, like some kind of competition to see who can live with the least amount of material possessions. Like, a friend told me about the concept of a "capsule wardrobe" in April last year and I looked it up and was like, uhhhh... no. Only own a fixed number of clothes? They all have to be neutral colours in order for me to be able to mix and match them with each other? No way, José! It just seemed to me that minimalists are weird the same way that hoarders are, just on the opposite side of the spectrum.<br />
<br />
Everyone who has seen my book collection knows I'm not in contention for being a minimalist. I'm not exactly a hoarder either but things do pile up and I'm bad at putting stuff back where it should be. One of my friends posted a video which talked about whether a book lover can really be a minimalist, and you know how on YouTube it's so easy to go down a rabbit warren of clicks... so I started watching a bunch of videos on minimalism and discovered I had it wrong. In fact, <a href="https://youtu.be/KrFz2qJmvrMv">YouTuber Break the Twitch said</a>, "Don't let minimalism become just another one of those things that you feel like you need to continually work towards." He talks about how minimalism has become associated with the image of "the perfectly white wall and white bedspread" and says that is not what minimalism is all about; it's about "the freedom that choosing to consume less and own less can give you".<br />
<br />
I particularly liked what another YouTuber, <a href="https://youtu.be/dJobfHkRTpM">Lia's Loft, said about minimalism</a>: "When I think of the term 'minimalist', I just think that means -- oh, I take minimalism, the tool, and I use that to reduce excess in my life, to make sure I'm focusing on the right things, to make sure I have stuff that I love and value." She said doesn't want people to see minimalism as a sort of "super exclusive club for people that like to have nothing in their house," and added that "it's not about being perfect, it's about making your life happier and just exploring and loving your values and loving yourself." Someone else, I can't remember who and can't seem to find the video now, said that minimalism is a way for you to become aware of your spending and consuming habits and be more purposeful about them, like to do things more mindfully. <br />
<br />
From there I watched two videos of Marie Kondo talking about her method of decluttering. I already knew of her books and her methods (in fact, more than a year ago I bought a chest of drawers so that I could put away my clothes the way she suggests, because it's SO GENIUS and I was so tired of having to try to stop T-shirt piles from collapsing when I would pull a T-shirt out from the middle of the pile on the shelf in my wardrobe). But I'd never read her book for myself, and hearing her explain the rationale behind her method, I really liked that she said the focus is not on what to discard, but what to keep. Positive instead of negative. And she advocates keeping only the things which "spark joy".<br />
<br />
She has gotten brickbats for that "spark joy" concept, but it did really work for me when I cleared out my closet. At the time I wasn't consciously using her idea, but I tossed out clothes which no longer fit, which weren't comfortable to wear, and which I didn't feel confident while wearing. You know there are some clothes which when you wear you just get this feeling you're looking like a total frump? Whether you are or not, you just have that feeling? Or you feel like the clothes are making you look shapeless? Or some other thing? As for comfort, that included not only materials which didn't feel comfortable next to my skin (actually I hardly had any of those because, having eczema, I avoid materials which make me itch) but also tops with a low-ish neckline that always made me ultra self-conscious whilst wearing them, skirts a little too short which I would always be trying to tug down and fretting over when I went out in them -- things like that. So that worked really well. <br />
<br />
The "spark joy" idea is not going to work with my book collection, though. I haven't read many of my books -- in fact, at this point I would say maybe 70% of my books are in TBR (the To Be Read pile). So I can't tell whether they would spark joy until I've started reading them, unless they're of genres which I've tired of or contain tropes I know for sure now I wouldn't want to read. "Sparking joy" also won't work with my craft collection. <i>Of course</i> it all sparks joy. I like doing crafts! So what if I haven't done any papercraft for 15 years?? Urgh this is hard. <br />
<br />
But watching the minimalism and decluttering videos is inspiring me to want to declutter my house more, and I found a great video from Origami Twist on how to deal with craft supplies:<br />
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<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Wixy5vwUS8A?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-65114370561642592017-08-24T00:07:00.001+08:002017-08-24T00:07:42.278+08:00Stainless steel jewelleryI was contemplating switching to stainless steel for all my metal chain, earring hooks and other components. I thought it would wear better than the so-called "silver-plated" iron or brass chain which I usually use. The silver coating eventually either wears off or dulls drastically over time, with exposure to the environment, and becomes very ugly. In the picture below, the earring on the right is one I made three years ago and never put away. The one on the left is new. I don't think the hooks can even be polished, since they're not true silver. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinytznbAW_YRdtlau11fpMjw2cPnWwdkQi7C2eM7YYT4VriDGrN150Ef5C1JHyJXhk_W6TzK6kz-gZb21lTAU4Ajii6SePhgmH3OaV38tiJXmtaVKONJqGJF8pvor_9IAGydKmB_Asm7g/s1600/IMG_20170823_233655.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinytznbAW_YRdtlau11fpMjw2cPnWwdkQi7C2eM7YYT4VriDGrN150Ef5C1JHyJXhk_W6TzK6kz-gZb21lTAU4Ajii6SePhgmH3OaV38tiJXmtaVKONJqGJF8pvor_9IAGydKmB_Asm7g/s320/IMG_20170823_233655.jpg" width="259" height="320" data-original-width="1294" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div><br />
But I <a href="http://www.reliance-foundry.com/blog/304-vs-316-stainless-steel">discovered that</a> although stainless steel is supposed to be "stainless", first it just is <i>more resistant</i> to corrosion, not impervious; and second, there are different grades of stainless steel, the most common one being 304 stainless steel, which contains chromium (the substance which makes it withstand corrosion) and nickel -- usually 8% nickel, but can go up to as much as 35%. <br />
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This isn't good. Some people are allergic to nickel. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.webmd.com/allergies/nickel-jewelry-allergy#2">WebMD</a> and <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/nickel-allergy/manage/ptc-20267661">the Mayo Clinic</a> both say surgical grade stainless steel (and not just any type, but 316L stainless steel in particular) should be safe for those with nickel allergy to wear. That means I have to carefully read the labels when purchasing materials... and if I switch to stainless steel, I have to keep some of the previous thingies on hand just in case I need to switch them out for a buyer. It makes things complicated. I don't like complicated! Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-20852800916626052252017-08-20T22:30:00.001+08:002017-08-20T22:30:05.896+08:00Making a comeback?<p dir="ltr">I found <a href="http://swistle.com">this blog</a> today and it made me want to blog again. I'm not sure if I miss blogging, but it was a great way to document what was going on in my life -- I've never been a diary sort of person -- and there are things worth remembering, even though they seem minor. We forget too easily, I think. I miss writing freely about my experiences and thoughts and fears and joys.</p>
<p dir="ltr">She writes about her life like I used to, and with a dash of dry humour. After all that happened years ago, I haven't felt like writing publicly about personal stuff. I'm terrified of being criticised and of people being unkind. In all the years I blogged, I think only two or three commenters were ever unkind, but my family was displeased, and that's why I stopped. I stopped even though I had switched to using a pseudonym and my family didn't know about my new blog. I just... lost my voice.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sometimes I also feel like I no longer have a great deal to talk about. I've written about the topics I care about and have not much to add, and I can't write about work, since I don't want to talk about my students. Plus, in contrast to those younger days, I don't think it's a good idea to rant or vent in a public forum. Not sure what that leaves me with, lol. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, it's 10:30pm and I'm tired; I'll post this and see if I continue some other time this week. </p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-79391784351637549492016-01-23T14:13:00.001+08:002016-01-23T14:13:16.317+08:00Definition<p dir="ltr"><i>Science is not an established body of knowledge as much as it is an attempt to explain things that we don’t yet know, and to organize what we do know in a systematic way. It is the manual that the world ought to have come with, but was somehow left out of the box.</i><br>
--<a href="http://www.tor.com/2016/01/21/how-do-you-like-your-science-fiction-ten-authors-weigh-in-on-hard-vs-soft-sf/">Ellen </a><a href="http://www.tor.com/2016/01/21/how-do-you-like-your-science-fiction-ten-authors-weigh-in-on-hard-vs-soft-sf/">Klages</a> </p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-61681847059816188512016-01-18T15:06:00.001+08:002016-01-18T15:06:58.483+08:00That fine line<ul>I rarely have felt, in these times of hopeless thinking, that I <i>wanted</i> to die. It was more that I didn’t want to be alive. I wasn’t lusting for heaven or anything. Wanting to die is not the same as not wanting to live — one is active and the other is passive.<br />--Abby Norman, <a href="https://medium.com/the-coffeelicious/how-to-be-a-ghost-1870848a464e#.izs5vrmyj"><i>How to be a Ghost</i></a></ul><br />
This is perfectly articulated. I struggle to tell people that <b><i>when I'm in that state of mind</b></i>, I'm not suicidal although I think about dying. I don't want to kill myself. I just want to not be.<br />
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***I'm not in that state of mind at the moment. You shouldn't worry :)Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-3596826536536877142016-01-17T11:35:00.001+08:002016-01-17T21:53:13.192+08:00A hairy issue<p dir="ltr">Reading <a href="https://medium.com/life-tips/what-self-love-means-to-me-in-2016-efa1c9ddb41d">this</a> really resonated with me (warning: NSFW doodles). I have an uneasy relationship with body hair, too. I had my underarm hair lasered so I wouldn't need to spend mental energy thinking about it or worrying about it. I was getting my upper lip lasered too, but kept breaking appointments with the beauty centre because I couldn't get there in time after work. I only remove my leg hair for special occasions, like when I have to stand in front of a crowd of strangers and lead a workshop. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have had friends, colleagues, and acquaintances tell me I should do something about my leg hair. </p>
<p dir="ltr">They are invariably female.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We swallow society's ideas of what is or is not beautiful, and then we internalise these ideas to the point that not only is body hair not beautiful, it is <i>unacceptable</i>. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It is unacceptable for a woman to have leg hair. Imagine that.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I am unfortunately blessed with a bit more hair than most, perhaps a side effect of applying steroid creams to control my eczema. When I was in university, and complained to my dad, he went into Doctor Mode and sent a sample of my blood to be tested for hormones that affect hirsutism. Everything came back normal.</p>
<p dir="ltr">For the most part, I forget about my leg hair, but when someone mentions it, I am reminded of it. People say this in such a <i>helpful</i> way. They sound so <i>reasonable</i>. They just want me to make the most of myself. Because leg hair is so damning and has the power to suck all a woman's attractiveness away. Yes.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The last time I waxed my legs I ended up with some kind of reaction -- I always assume it is eczema because I am used to the itch which accompanies eczema flare-ups, but my dad took a look at the photos and said it looked like folliculitis (inflammation of the hair follicles), which made sense, too. I ended up going to bed with a calf slathered in medication, wrapped in cling-wrap to prevent me from further damaging the skin by scratching it. Seriously, all that to have socially-acceptable legs? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I need to come to terms with my hairy legs, as that author says, and love them, and stop thinking they are ugly. Stop allowing others to influence me into thinking that they're ugly. Of all the things that we could be worried about when it comes to hygiene and grooming, we're focused on <i>hairy legs</i>?!!</p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-30188072202823734572016-01-16T21:46:00.001+08:002016-01-16T21:56:44.947+08:00Healing<p dir="ltr">Everyone has issues. You can't live in this world and not have issues. Christians say it is a "broken world" and it is, in more ways than one. We are all imperfect. As if that did not already guarantee us issues, in our imperfection we then cause other people issues, and in their imperfection, others also cause us issues. It's simple cause-and-effect.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So no one is "okay", but the level of "un-okayness" and the areas it affects differs from person to person. Trying to insist that one is "okay" only leads to more issues for yourself and everyone around you. We can all SEE you're not okay. Your attempts to prove you're okay, in fact, blatantly expose your issues to all and sundry. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, I have issues too, and I come from a fairly stable, ordinary, typical sort of Chinese-Malaysian family so I've always felt like I don't have a right to my issues. You cannot say you do not feel loved by your parents, for example, when they have worked hard to put you through university. What is that, if not concrete evidence of love? And you cannot say you regret your parents' parenting style, because even if it left you never feeling good enough, you graduated from university with honours and now have a fairly well-paying job, so obviously their methods were efficacious?</p>
<p dir="ltr">The emphasis on filial piety among the Chinese also means I can never stop feeling guilty at questioning my upbringing. Can I be a good daughter and still say I resent my parents for sweeping aside the creative part of me as if she were unimportant? And of course it is also unfilial to blame one's parents for all one's issues. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But it is not a blame game. I have to acknowledge my issues, and trace them to the source in order to deal with them. Unfortunately the source very often does appear to be in my childhood. When else are we most vulnerable and impressionable? And who else but those closest to us would be able to have such an impact as to cause issues which continue to reverberate through our lives thirty or forty years later?</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I have issues, and sometimes I think they are not large ones, but sometimes they appear to me to be as high as mountains. And I am still tackling them, one day at a time. Sometimes I think I have vanquished one, only to see it pop up again later. I have to love myself and feel secure in my identity. I have to fight the fear that revelation of my weaknesses will bring rejection. I have to live in reality instead of the oblivion and comforting embrace of escapism. I have to take responsibility for my own happiness, not expect another person to make me happy. I have to own my past choices and admit I am partly to blame for my own issues -- avoiding a victim mentality. I have to recognise unhealthy patterns of behaviour and thought, and work on turning them around. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It is hard work. It is exhausting. Sometimes I despair. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I am impatient and frustrated with myself. But that is also one of my issues: wanting to be perfect. I have to give myself permission to be imperfect. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In the end, I think my issues are quite common ones. Many of us are insecure and fearful. Many of us struggle to accept our true selves and have perfected various methods of running away from the pain inside. This is the human condition. I am human, and so are you. We live in a broken world. We all need healing. We need to be whole. </p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-66694630832518867762016-01-16T13:37:00.001+08:002016-01-16T14:11:26.072+08:00Why I hate small talk <p dir="ltr">When people ask me what I do on weekends, I never know what to say. Doesn't everybody -- or all the singles, at least -- do the same thing over the weekend? Which, in case you don't know, is "not much". Hey, weekends are meant for relaxation and recuperating from the rigorous demands of the work week, man. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But since "not much" isn't a socially acceptable statement, we usually blather things like, "hang out with friends, do house chores, watch a movie, go shopping, catch up on sleep, watch tv..." (or, when it comes to me, "read"). Some of which are truer on certain weekends than others. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm pretty sure these are most people's standard answers. But when I rattle off this litany, I feel like the most boring person on the face of the earth. I need to get creative with my answers. "Oh, weekends? The usual, you know... abseiling and sky-diving..."<br></p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-19190352819710152292015-12-27T02:21:00.000+08:002015-12-28T02:20:21.491+08:00Creative conundrum <p dir="ltr">When people tell me I'm creative, I never know what to say, because I don't think I'm particularly creative. The other day, when someone said to me, "I didn't know you could play the piano so well," I had a sort of revelation: To someone who cannot do what you do, or does not know how to do what you do, the very fact that you can do it is amazing. But you, because you are trained, or have some knowledge of the art -- you know you are far from amazing, because you have seen or heard others do even more amazing things, things which you are painfully aware are beyond your meagre skills.</p><p dir="ltr">But I realised I should own my creativity, I should own my abilities and talents. And it <i>is</i> wonderful that I can play the piano. It <i>is</i> wonderful that I can read musical scores, and it <i>is</i> wonderful that I can improvise somewhat if I have guitar chords instead of the full score. Okay, so I cannot play by ear, and feel terribly limited because of that. And I am not fantastic at improvising and I can't play in many different styles -- jazz, for example, is still foreign to me. But I feel I should be thankful for what I can do. </p><p dir="ltr">Although I don't consider myself a perfectionist, in some ways when it comes to creative endeavours, I am one. Which is a bit of an oxymoron, since creativity by its very definition doesn't lend itself to perfection. It has to be fluid and free. You can't box it in, or demand it follow certain rules. </p><p dir="ltr">But I am the child who always coloured inside the lines and was careful to ensure the space was coloured perfectly, with not a single minute white gap remaining to be seen. I am the child who believed that if you follow the rules, you will be <i>safe</i>. I am the child who thought mistakes were ugly and flawlessness equalled beauty. I am the child who decided that since A + B = C, there is always a process to be followed in order to obtain optimum results. </p><p dir="ltr">I am now the adult who struggles to create. </p><p dir="ltr">People who know me would not believe that statement. To the outside eye, I suppose I have a respectable output. But they don't notice that I produce the same doodles over and over again in office meetings. If the doodles look good, it is only because I have honed them to perfection after more than two decades of doodling the same thing. You can ask my high school classmates -- some of them would remember the doodles I left in the margins of my textbooks. I also play the piano in much the same style as I always have... which frustrates me, yet is <i>safe</i>. </p><p dir="ltr">So yes... within creativity I feel there are certain rules, like if one is colouring, one ought to colour within the lines. A circle should be a perfect circle, perfectly round. If I am making jewellery, every part of the piece should align perfectly. I struggle because it is good to have standards, yet stifling to be so rules-bound. It's difficult for me to let go and explore, not knowing what will happen or where something will take me. In that sense, my creativity is limited. I don't try crazy new things; I want to be safe, to know it will work -- not just work, that it will work <i>the way I want it to work</i> -- before I try it. Because I hate failing; I hate making something I'm not happy with. It causes me to feel upset with myself for doing something wrong, turning out something flawed. </p><p dir="ltr">My rational mind knows that whatever minor flaws or imperfections become part of the object's charm, causing it to possess a beauty all its own. But my heart can't accept anything less than perfection. So I get my logical mind to analyse the possibilities and then I meticulously create according to plan. Creating is very rewarding for me and something I enjoy, but is also something I approach rather timidly. This fear, this hatred of imperfection, is killing my creativity. </p>Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-68035226413364025002015-12-26T17:27:00.001+08:002015-12-26T17:29:03.700+08:00The workings of a woman's mind<p dir="ltr">This is how a woman thinks: </p>
<p dir="ltr">I like flowers. (For example) </p>
<p dir="ltr">I want him to buy me flowers because he remembered what I like, and he thought of me and wants to buy them to please me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I cannot ask him to buy me flowers, because if I ask, that means he's doing it because I asked, not because he really wants to. It means the push came from me, not from him. </p>
<p dir="ltr">WHY HE NEVER BUY ME FLOWERS ONE?! Fucker doesn't care that I like flowers! He didn't pay attention and doesn't care about what I like or don't like. Therefore, he doesn't care about <i>me</i>! 😭😭😭😭😭</p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-1393924221876264102015-12-26T11:19:00.001+08:002015-12-26T11:19:37.006+08:00Not in control<p dir="ltr">The #1 most difficult lesson for me to learn in love is: </p>
<p dir="ltr"><i>You can't make things happen.</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">If I want it but he doesn't, there is nothing I can do to make him want it. </p>
<p dir="ltr">When I reach that point of wanting to try to make him want it, I can feel the desperation in myself. And I know he will feel it, too.</p>
<p dir="ltr">It is then best to let go. </p>
Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-57947740924422237732015-12-04T18:40:00.001+08:002015-12-04T18:40:55.999+08:00VulnerabilityShe is a flower<br />
With soft, soft petals <br />
So easily bruised.<br />
<br />
She feels fragile<br />
For a strong wind <br />
Could rip her petals away<br />
Tearing her apart <br />
Leaving her bare and bleeding.<br />
<br />
She trembles on her stem<br />
Anticipating the coming touch<br />
Fearing rough and careless hands.<br />
<br />
She lies defenseless<br />
In the face of the storm<br />
On the cold frosty ground. Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-10738902158961373402015-12-02T17:58:00.000+08:002015-12-02T17:58:05.066+08:00Practising vulnerability<ul><i>Over the last several years of unannounced disappearances, </i><i>friend-zoning</i><i>, and dozens of iterations of “I like you, but I’m not ready for anything right now,” I had no relationship to show for the extra night shifts of vulnerability I invested. The trend of men using my openness as a platform to rebuild their confidence and gain knowledge about the types women they really wanted left me, and continues to leave me, empty.</i><br />
--Tia Joy Davis, <a href="https://medium.com/@tiajdavis/why-girls-like-me-ask-for-intentions-up-front-b9782a4d135a">Why Girls Like Me Ask For Intentions Up Front</a></ul><br />
After <a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2012/01/challenge-of-vulnerability.html">listening to Brene Brown's talks</a>, every time I start a conversation with a new guy on OkCupid, I'm very aware that I'm practising vulnerability. The only question is the extent to which I choose to be vulnerable.<br />
<br />
This is a calculated risk which I manage intuitively. Some depends on the extent to which the other person is open with me, some depends on how safe I feel telling him stuff (based on how he has responded so far and how I think he might respond), and some depends on how much I believe I might gain by doing so: no guts, no glory, as I like to put it. But whatever it is, it is <a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2010/07/choosing-joy.html">my choice</a>, and <i>you should never blame others for a choice you made</i>. I choose how vulnerable I want to be, and I have to live with that choice and its consequences.<br />
<br />
I see three types, or perhaps three layers of vulnerability: one is when you choose to explain yourself, i.e. when you delve beneath the surface and allow another to see the motivations, reasons, and intentions behind your actions, when you reveal your thought processes and perspectives and opinions. Another is when you choose to speak of matters which are important to you or close to your heart, such as hopes and dreams, cherished memories, experiences which have shaped you, deep needs and desires. The final one is is when you choose to share the difficult, and often hidden, areas of life: your pain and sorrow, your struggles, your failures, your regrets, your weaknesses, your doubts and fears. <br />
<br />
For me, vulnerability is always a challenge since I want to stay safe. I want to be sure that the person I'm trusting with more of myself will cherish that gift, that insight I'm affording them into the inner workings of my heart and mind, my very identity. So, to use a metaphor, I first lift up just a tiny corner of the blanket and give them a small glimpse of what lies beneath. If they respond with acceptance, kindness, and empathy, I eventually uncover more and more.<br />
<br />
All this is not a <i>conscious</i> act, you must understand. I do it intuitively, and have so far not regretted my choices, ever. The only time I have been thrown off is when I allowed my assumptions or expectations to silence my intuition. Like, when I thought that due to the nature of our relationship, close family members would automatically be able to handle the information and accept this gift of being allowed to see into me. But no, being related by blood has no bearing on a person's capacity to respond to you with acceptance, kindness, or empathy. Lesson learnt. <br />
<br />
And it was a painful lesson. It's always painful when the person you are vulnerable with doesn't respect the privilege you are extending to share your life, your very self with them. The greater the pain, the more tempting it has been to retreat and build high protective walls instead of practising vulnerability. But here is where the conscious decision comes in -- I have chosen instead to be very, very careful. I couldn't live behind walls... I would wither from the lack of nourishing human, soul-to-soul contact. So I keep trying, because the rewards are worth the risk.Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-28118319255800814602015-12-01T09:29:00.001+08:002015-12-01T09:46:36.562+08:00Feeding the soul<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ2yNS450RdAjUFRACQya02ETR_-NtXWrj_1AW0ovbzt0gqtMuE0vu3eUm9K6UG2zZSir35U9KaSnhkkSzfY0E_cKU0el_JqtluxAaW4BOeuVhNHvqyPImfzijAE-IGjsLMWCI5YcrdZU/s1600/redrose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ2yNS450RdAjUFRACQya02ETR_-NtXWrj_1AW0ovbzt0gqtMuE0vu3eUm9K6UG2zZSir35U9KaSnhkkSzfY0E_cKU0el_JqtluxAaW4BOeuVhNHvqyPImfzijAE-IGjsLMWCI5YcrdZU/s320/redrose.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<blockquote><i>Occasionally I like to buy myself a single red rose. It's clichéd, I know, but roses are my favourite flower, and having a rose on my desk speaks to me of hope. Sometimes I just need to be reminded that there's beauty in the world out there, if I choose to look for it.</i></blockquote><br />
I wrote that in March 2010. It's been a really long time since I've bought myself a rose, and I think I need to do this again. Flowers speak to me in a way I can't express; they delight and cheer my soul, they make me pause in awe at a Maker who put so much attention to detail into something that has no other purpose than to be decorative (in order to entice various insects or birds to pollinate the plant, yes, but still--!). And they are so delicate, requiring gentle handling... in some small way they whisper to me of God's love for me, for some days I feel fragile, and as I tenderly caress the soft petals I imagine Him tending to me with similar loving, gentle care. <br />
<br />
<br />
...And then I discover I wrote a similar post <a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2010/07/not-quite-sunflower.html">here</a> ;)Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5178630154876720486.post-2245034553910765332015-11-24T21:43:00.001+08:002015-12-01T10:07:46.700+08:00OkCupid: Taking stock<p dir="ltr">Today marks 7 weeks since I started anew with OkCupid. </p><p dir="ltr">I have had conversations with 68 guys, most of which didn't last past a few exchanges before petering out. Out of those, I'm still in either sporadic or regular contact with 16, regretfully turned away 3, and blocked 5 for being dodgy. When I say 'dodgy', I mean asking me if I know how to give a blowjob; telling me he's very well-endowed; repeatedly asking me to come over to his condo so we could meet, right NOW; trying to persuade me that having sex is part of living life to the fullest, when I'd told him it was off the table; and not telling me he was married until we had sat down in a restaurant and ordered food.</p><p dir="ltr">I met up with 6, out of which one was the married guy, one fizzled out after meeting (i.e. no further contact later), one told me I win the "best buddies" award (got friendzoned, lol!), one asked for a second, then third date, one I ended up regretfully declining, and one... well, we'll see. I'm meeting him tomorrow. </p><p dir="ltr">28 guys didn't reply my initiating email. </p><p dir="ltr">19 moved off the OkC app to WhatsApp, including the 5 who ended up getting blocked and two of the three who were regretfully turned away. Of the rest, some have fizzled out, some are in sporadic contact, and a few in regular contact.</p><p dir="ltr">I am suffering from OkC fatigue. So much repeated small talk and doing the self-reveal over and over again is a bit draining. My inner introvert is screaming, but I admit I always get a thrill when I see messages coming in. I'm excited to read what a guy has to say, especially if he's replying to a message I sent. It's fun. But I don't think I can keep up this level of intensity for long.</p><p dir="ltr">I have discovered that chemistry is very real, and a couple either has it, or doesn't have it. I've also, however, discovered that there are different kinds of chemistry, such as a "best buddies" one. He and I get on like a house on fire, but there isn't a smidgen of romantic feeling in it. There's someone else I have chemistry with, the only guy who asked me out more than once, and that's exciting... we're continuing to get to know each other, enjoying the process.</p> <br />
<br />
Related posts:<br />
<ul><li><a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2015/10/o-is-for-online-dating.html">O is for online dating</a></li>
<li><a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2014/04/l-is-for-lacklustre.html">L is for lacklustre</a></li>
<li><a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2014/03/no-clones-wanted.html">No clones wanted</a></li>
<li><a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2013/12/romance-according-to-sunflower.html">Romance according to the Sunflower</a></li>
<li><a href="http://wilfulsunflower.blogspot.my/2013/01/which-sides-winning.html">Which side's winning?</a></li></ul><br />
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Sunflowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13337112813380109771noreply@blogger.com0